This is what comes from . . .

. . . teaching your child to pretend that the sofa is a boat and the carpet is shark infested water,
Deacon [pretending to be a shark, speaking savagely and brandishing a glowstick]: First, I going to bite Dad, and then I going to bite Mom. And then [dun-dun-dun]I going to wash the dishes.

. . . taking your child for a walk to see how full pond has become,
Phil: Bryce! See all those ducks flying away!
Bryce: Yeah Dad. Why are they flying away?
Phil: They got scared off when we started walking up here.
Bryce [knowingly]: They must think we're scarecrows.

. . . letting your kids watch a John Wayne cowboy movie,
Bryce [yelling at the bad guy on the tv, just a beat behind Rooster]: I'm going to shoot you! You son-of-a-ditch!
Me [fighting laughter]: We don't say that. Only grandpas say that.
[movie continues]: . . . You bushwhacker!
Bryce [at the tv bad guy]: You bushwhacker!
Deacon [falling apart with task of having to admonish his brother]: Bryce! We don't say grandpa words!!!
Me [suddenly feeling naive]: Phil? Is bushwhacker okay?